One Life to Live

I find myself faced with unexpected choices this summer

not huge choices
nothing life altering
or earth shattering

I'm talking about simple things

such as:
do I stay inside all day cleaning the house
or do I spend it swimming with my children

summer schooling
or canasta matches with my daughter

do I give myself to duty
or to pleasure

responsibilities or memories

we only have one life
just.
one.

o.n.e.

these children--
they grow wings and fly away too quickly

and this mom--
she only has so much to give

so what do I give myself to?

chores that will be undone before they're completed?
meaningless tasks that will be lost in the sands of time?

no.

I have finally arrived at something I have been working towards
for many years now

I know what really matters now

I used to think that the most important thing in the world was
keeping a clean house

I HATED (and still d0 hate) housework
but I felt like it was my mission in life

if my house wasn't perfect-
then I was a failure

if I wasn't on top of things,
my world would fall apart

ha!

when we started homeschooling
I had to lower my standards
a LOT

I am not super mom
I can not be wife, mom, teacher, maid, and cook
and still have enough of myself left

and that's ok

I've finally realized that
my identity isn't in the state of my house

in the grand scheme of things
it's the least important

this has been a huge thing for me

I am a neat freak
I LIKE my house to be clean
I can't stand clutter

BUT

I've finally reached the point where I can see that it's
not the most important thing
and I can let it go

it's moved way down on the ladder of priorities

every day, I do the minimum chores I need to do for us to function
and for me to feel comfortable

to have things the way I'd really like them to be
would take me all day, every day working (I know, I've tried.)

and as I've said
I only have so much of myself to give

and I now choose to invest myself more wisely

my kids don't care how neat the house is

I don't want them to grow up and say "Mom was a great house keeper."
I want them to look back and remember all the things we did together
all the games
swimming
laughing
playing

people are important
relationships matter

objects don't
perfection doesn't

I came to this conclusion
by reminding myself
that we only have one life
and that my children are growing much faster than I'd like

I had to ask myself:
what is important?
do I want to look back and regret?
or do I want to look back with fond remembrance?

these are the same questions that led to our
decision to homeschool

one life

one chance

no do-overs

how do you want to spend it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Life to Love
~33 Miles

He never thought he cared so much about the minute hand,
Until he started playing for a second chance,
If he could only do it all again,
He'd trade the long nights that he spent behind his desk,
For all he missed,
He tells his wife,
I wish that this moment in this room, was not me dying,
But just spending a little time with you

You only get just one time around,
You only get one shot at this,
One chance,
To find out,
The one thing that you don't wanna miss,
One day when its all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough,
This one ride,
One try,
One life,
To love.

She never thought she cared so much about those little hands,
That held on tight the day she left,
Til she was scared to death,
Sitting all alone on a hotel bed,
The end of the road,
The sun has set on her big plans,
To feel young again,
She picks up the phone,
Dials the number,
Hears that little voice,
That's haunted every single mile,
Since she made that choice,

You only get just one time around,
You only get one shot at this,
One chance,
To find out,
The one thing that you don't wanna miss,
One day when its all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough,
This one ride,
One try,
One life,
To love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Motions
~Matthew West

This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way